Life's Hardships Do Bring You Back To The Life You Deserve

In the fall of 2017, I had decided I was going back to college at the age of 29. I had been thinking about it for quite some time, but I was juggling between majoring in Psychology or Mass Communications. When I had spoken with one of the advisors at Motlow State Community College during that year, she advised me to wait until 2018 to start college. That was when Tennessee Reconnect would be going into affect, and it would help me a great deal on getting my 2-year degree as an adult. Even though, I did not want to wait because I wanted to get the process with college going right then. I was learning how to manage being patient more in my life during that time. Thinking about going back to college so late in life was scary. I had been working full-time for an accounting firm and now adding school to my schedule. I thought to myself, "When would I ever have time to live life?" The growing of insecurity was there but I wasn't going to allow it to stop me from my dreams anymore. While I sat there pondering that question, I knew deep down I had a dream that had been built inside of me. I loved Psychology and learning about how humans operate. I knew I had a gift of knowing how to talk to people and helping them see the solution to their problems. Even in times, they didn't want to admit it to themselves. Psychology wasn't what was written in my heart, though. It was just a gift that God blessed me with understanding the human mind and how we operate. I knew if I didn't truly follow my heart, I wouldn't be happy for the rest of my life. I was built to be a creative person, and I had creative gifts that needed to be used. I knew Mass Communications was where I needed to be.

When I was a little girl, I was in love with every Walt Disney movie or book that was ever made at the time, and I still am! His movies would not only produce lessons for each child to learn but they often had a message to tell. The message was to always continue living your life with imagination. That imagination built within you, would bring your dreams into reality one day as an adult. His movies would always show no matter what challenges you were faced with in life. Always keep the faith and never give up. No matter how much people looked at him like he was crazy with all these ideas. Walt Disney was determined to prove them all wrong. He didn't let anything, or anyone gets in the way of him bringing them to life either. No matter how long it took him to bring a project to life; he made it happen. Walt Disney is still to this day one of the best mentors that I could have had as a child. He still has his team of people today living out his incredible legacy that he has built. He is the person who gave me the dream of writing by putting stories together for a potential novel or children's book one day. Walt Disney showed me that being creative and unique was a gift. He believed a person should show their gifts to the world and never be embarrassed to be different. 

I knew I was different from my siblings and friends. I knew people thought I was silly and needed to take my head out of the clouds from time to time. It was something I couldn't help, though, imagination had always came naturally to me. I loved the arts like theater, film, photography, music, books and writing. I would always talk about traveling to every single place in the world like London, Paris, Sydney, and the list goes on. As you see, I was a big dreamer and a free-spirited girl growing up. I always got picked on for being different and when I became a teenager it only got worse. I was in that stage of discovering who I was and where I wanted to be in life after high school. My sophomore year of high school I was talking with our school guidance counselor. We were searching different colleges in California to attend after high school because I wanted to be where the industry was. She thought it was great that I wanted to get a head start but that dream got shattered quickly. It's like the more I dreamed of writing and living in Hollywood. The more people would look at me like I was stupid and I would never accomplish that dream. I was a sensitive person, and I took their comments to heart. I was told repeatedly it was going to be hard. It wasn't like I already knew that to begin with. I began to feel like I could never accomplish that dream because I came from a small-town. I am not saying I don't love where I come from. I just learned the hard way that you don't always have to follow the people who decide to stay where its comfortable. I put that dream on a shelf and walked away from it for 10 years. I pretty much gave up on it all and I took a different road after graduating high school. A long hard journey of lessons that broke me.

I had decided on not going straight to college after high school, and I went right into the workforce. I am not saying this is a bad thing because some people just don't like school. I do believe skills that you have naturally learned will help you reach your goals or dreams in life still. I can say that I have gained a lot skill by working in the real world first. I believe a person doesn't have to go down the path of college to reach their dreams or goals in life. I don't believe you have to have a college degree to do whatever it is your heart desires. There are countless of people today who are successful at just working in the field without a college degree. To be honest, they had to start some where to build themselves up to where they are now. I was insecure and didn't think I was good enough for college at the time. I was extremely down on myself and I felt like I wasn't good enough for anything. All of this went back to I would listen to what others had told me what they thought was best for me. I forgot to listen to my own inner self-telling me to follow my heart. This wasn't completely these other people's faults because I could have not just listened to them. I chose to let their words keep me from my dream. Though, I want people to know that whatever you say to a person, your words are powerful and it can hurt someone. It can literally keep them from following their path in life. 

When I enroll into college, I would drop out as soon as I began. What I was going to school for was not my dream and I was never happy with it. I was beginning to live other people's dreams and not my own. At that time, I was going to college in Murfreesboro to be a Paralegal. To this day I will never forget what my English instructor told me. I was sitting in English class one night, and she gave me back my paper. She stopped and asked me, "Why are you in college to be a Paralegal?" I just looked at her puzzled and told her I liked law. My instructor goes on to tell me that she didn't think this was where I needed to be. She thought I needed to be a writer. She told me I had an imagination that could change the world, and I needed to really think hard about using this gift. I left that night from my class replaying everything she had told me. For once someone noticed my gift and believed in me. Though, I was still struggling from within. I was still insecure about who I was and where I wanted to be at the age of 22. I shortly ended up dropping out of college once again and continued to work.

I had ignored my dreams once more when I started dating a new person. This relationship ended up being long-term and I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with him. I thought being in love, getting married, and starting a family with someone was my path in life. Until fall of 2015, that whole dream got shattered when he walked away from our relationship. It's like everything we had built together didn't even matter to him anymore. It was super easy for him to walk away from me and leave me in a dark place for a long time. This was the hardest thing that I have ever had to overcome. I was blinded and manipulated into thinking we would be together forever. He walking away from our relationship ended up being the best thing that could have ever happened to me. This had to happen in order to wake me up and start living life. After taking that trip to Europe in 2017, its like a door opened up wide for me. I realized how powerful and strong I truly was. I came back a new person but in reality I knew I still had a lot to work on. I still had a lot of broken promises from other past relationships or issues I needed to let go of. My dreams suddenly began to walk back into my life. I was determined that I would never let another person keep me from them again. I was going back to college to get that degree I wished so much to have in Mass Communications. Once college started in the fall of 2018, that is when I noticed my life was beginning to change for the better. That is when I knew I was on the right path to my purpose.

From 18 to 27, everything I had gone through in my life was only a roadblock. These roadblocks only put me directly back into alignment with my life's purpose. I have grown more spiritually within my path today. I know these gifts I have built inside of me are from God and my life's purpose is to use them. I don't know why he created me to be this sensitive creative old soul that I am. Why he chose me to bring the love, beauty, light, hope and faith back in this world. I am beginning to understand why I am one of the chosen ones, though. You don't know how long it has taken me to love and embrace everything that I am. I used to hate myself for being this type of person. I have come a long way between 27 and 32. It has been a long hard lonely journey for me. I never thought I would make it to the other side of seeing the light again. It took forgiving myself and others for all the mistakes that had ever happened. It took to separate myself from everything that was hindering me from moving forward to where I needed to be. I am very proud of myself, though, because I never gave up. I fought hard to be in this place that I am in now. My family and friends wouldn't let me give up this time, because they believed in me. They had believed in me this whole time, but I was too stubborn to listen. I think they just sat back and thought one day I would figure it all out on my own. I had to learn quickly on how to be patient with myself and others. I had to learn how to let go of control over my life. I had to allow God and my angels to direct my steps towards my dreams again. I had to get out of my own way and believe in myself. 

There is so much in Mass Communications that I want to do. If I am writing or doing photography to make a difference in another person's life. If my words and photos are, suppose to bring that light, love, beauty, hope and faith back into the world then I will continue doing it. If I am guided to continue using my story to help another person reach full potential in their life. To reach whatever dream or goal is hidden within them, then that is all that matters to me. Your story will help build a firm foundation for another person's life one day. I want people to know that they are not alone on this journey of finding who they are and what they want out of life. It just takes letting go and embracing the journey. It does not happen over night either, you have to work at it every day. I want them to know that putting yourself first is so very important. Even if it takes leaving behind those you love, just to find yourself and those dreams again. It was painful for me to turn into hermit mode and just concentrate on myself for a long time. I have built a life of putting others before me because I am a selfless person. I have a big heart! I found along this journey that taking care of yourself first, you can still take care of others at the same time. I believe I am by writing within my blog and doing my photography. I may not be a mother yet, and I don't know if I ever will be. It only depends on if God blesses me with that path in life. I do have little ones who call me their aunt, though. I want to make sure I continue being another great role model in their life, just like their parents. I want to make sure my nephew, nieces, my future children and other children within our world to know. That no matter how wild your imagination runs and how silly those dreams are. If you know without a doubt that you can make it happen for yourself then go for it! Chase those dreams but just promise me that you will never allow anyone or any circumstance hinder you from living them. It will take time and patience, but don't ever give up. Believe in yourself and it will happen. 

If you have a dream or goal inside your heart, start today on building yourself towards it. Don't let anyone or a situation keep you from it. It doesn't matter how young or old you are, you can still accomplish whatever it is. Let go of the insecurity and believe that you can do it. Here I am at the age of 32, and I will be graduating from Motlow State Community College next year. My next step is getting my Bachelor's degree at Middle Tennessee State University in Journalism. I will possibly be in my late thirties by the time I graduate from there. That doesn't bother me at all, though, because I am working towards my dream. This is what I want for myself because if some where down the road in-between that time God blesses me with a good husband and children. I want to make sure I have built a firm foundation to support my family. It is important to me now that I have stability in my life because I don't ever want to go back to where I was before. My life hardships only brought me back to where I needed to be. I feel like I had to experience them in order to grow up. If you just take a step, back and try to understand the lesson within these hardships you go through and allow them to help you grow into the person you need to be. I promise you this; you will be happy in the future and you will never ever look back on that past life again. One day you will be grateful that you never gave up on yourself and you fought hard to have the life you always deserved. 

-The Vintage Writer